I’m not exactly sure how this week’s article came to be, but one thing is certain: it took me about ten thousand mental detours to get here.
Today, I’m reflecting on the life, death, and (possible future?) resurrection of dating apps. Silvia Castrogiovanni suggested I start by talking about the creative phase that shapes new projects—the so-called ideation.
Creativity is essential in many things—first and foremost in bed, or so they say. But that’s not the metaphor I’ll be following today.
Lacan famously said that “the sexual relationship does not exist.” Freud, on the other hand, argued that a sexual relationship always involves four individuals. These are some of the most intriguing thoughts in psychoanalysis, and they fascinate me. But, again—I won’t go down that rabbit hole today. Maybe another time.
Love as a Social Phenomenon (and the Dating App Theory)
Taking a step back into common wisdom, we often hear that love and sex must be nurtured, that relationships require effort, and that—despite all this—they sometimes just don’t work out. Some couples break up, others stay together forever, and others still change partners along the way.
At some point, we realize that every love story leaves something behind, shaping our growth. Communication tools play a fundamental role in this process—whether it’s letters, texts, or voice notes. Words are the historical instruments of love, though they’re never quite enough to express such a complex feeling. And sometimes, saying nothing at all is better.
But there’s another key factor—one that the Netflix series Bridgerton teaches us well: the social aspect of love.
I first understood this one afternoon in the mountains, talking to my friend Ilaria. As I poured my heart out—half in tears—about my unrequited crush on someone way out of my league (or maybe I was out of theirs, depending on the perspective), she looked at me and said:
“Silvia, have you ever considered that love is also a social phenomenon?”
That statement stunned me. I had never thought about it that way before—but it’s absolutely true. And this realization leads me straight to my theory on dating apps.
The Rise (and Fall?) of Dating Apps
In our hyper-connected world—where our iPhones have become an extension of our arms—many people experience love and relationships through platforms that, back in 2014, were just emerging startups.
But let’s be honest—it’s been ten years now. And these platforms have been heavily criticized for failing to evolve, becoming outdated relics of the digital dating era.
I’ve always found dating apps intellectually fascinating, though I personally have a strong aversion to using them. They’ve always felt like a supermarket of people to me. But my curiosity peaked when I discovered Whitney Wolfe Herd, who founded Bumble after suing her former company, Tinder, for sexual discrimination and harassment. She won a $1 million settlement and then built something entirely new.
That, to me, was a personal revolution—a reinvention driven by redemption. And when I saw the video of her signing Bumble’s IPO while holding her baby, I was completely won over.
Who Will Survive the Dating App Crisis?
Today, however, dating apps are going through a rough patch—declining revenues, plummeting valuations, and a rising number of users abandoning ship. It’s interesting to observe the two distinct strategies that Tinder and Bumble are adopting to counter this crisis:
- Tinder, part of Match Group (a name that says it all, really), plans to integrate AI to curate user profile photos, selecting the best ones based on their preferences.
- Bumble, on the other hand, is focusing on “personalization” and “flexibility”—at least according to Il Post.
Who will win? I’ll always root for Whitney Wolfe Herd, but at the end of the day, love is something else entirely.
Love is that messy, unpredictable, brain-scrambling experience—not a hyper-controlled, algorithmic approach to relationships.
Back to Ideation
And now, a thought lingers in my mind… maybe it’s time to revisit that old love app idea I once brainstormed over drinks with my friend Eugenia.
I hope this gave you a glimpse into the creative process of ideation—because, at its core, it’s nothing more than a thought… about change.
See you at the next match!
